I did it!!!!!!

Ok, so usually if I get as far as packing my gym gear, it doesn't get to see anymore than my suitcase.

This time, I actually used it! I know, incredible right? It's ok, I'm just as shocked. All these baby steps I have made has actually led me down a path I never actually thought I would visit. I actually CHOSE to exercise this afternoon.

We managed to finish on time today and I had the afternoon to myself. After a take away lunch and sitting in an office all day, I felt disgusting. I was heavy in my stomach, I had a headache, a back ache and I just felt lousy!

So I just made the decision that I would go to the gym. I didn't give one thought to "oh my gosh, people are going to look at me" and just made the decision to go. It felt great! I went on one of those cross-trainers and it just felt good.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not enrolling in the next tri-athalon or anything, but it just felt like my body was processing the food that I ate at lunch. It got to 10 mins and I was ready to say "yep, surely this counts as exercise!"...but I remembered something my husband told me. As soon as you're ready to give up, keep going! I know, craaaaazy! Apparently it's this "going the extra" that really makes a difference. So I did!

I kept going. I focused on a point on the wall and just kept pumping. Then, get this, an older man got onto the machine next to me and was going faster than me. I don't know about you, but this made me focus on how fast he was going, and made me keep going! I think it's because I had a different focus. I didn't concentrate on the minutes going by, or how hard I was finding it...or that I just didn't want to break out as the 'fat woman who has gone all red in the face'. I was distracted by this old guy going faster than me and I just had to prove a point!

I kept going.

I got to the 18 min mark and from there, it was the longest 2 mins of my life!!! However, I had gotten this far, so I pushed some more...and not to expand on these two minutes anymore...I made it to the 20mins!

Shock horror! I felt amazing!!!

Exhiliarated even!

A champion even! Cue "Eye of the Tiger"...

Stresssssssssssssssssssssssssss

How is one supposed to deal with stress really?

I've had a stressful couple of days at work...little sleep...lots of silly people that don't know how to think properly...and in the midst of it all? I was scrounging around for chocolate...like looking for a quick hit...

Then someone had a birthday...so I ate a piece of cake...

The desire for sweetness consumed me...

Do you honestly think that at a time like this I would be reaching for a carrot stick to calm me down?????

Then, I got a hold of myself. Yes, I had the piece of cake...but I stopped my salivating, got up off my paws and realised that I was looking for something sweet, yes, but it was probably because I was stressed and restless. So I improvised on the sweetness and had some grapes...woohoo! Yeah me!

Today even though I was stressed again, I made sure the healthier option was at my reach.

All I could think about was getting home and having a drink. Come on, who could blame me?!?!?! If you could drink at work I would have started at 9am!

However, I didn't consume a bottle...I came home, spent some quality time with my husband and daughter with some great laugh time to release those happy cells, and then relaxed with one glass of wine over dinner.

Oh my goodness...I think I'm changing my behaviour!

How easy is it to say "no"?

When offered food, especially food that I love (i.e. chocolate) I find it almost impossible to refuse.

Even if I'm not hungry, it's like a mindless automatic answer that comes out of my mouth..."oh yes please"

I don't know why? Does this make me obsessed with food???

My thoughts would be...no...I think that I've trained myself into a habit of not truly thinking about what I'm eating. I believe that I need to learn to listen more to my body and not my cravings.

For example: Just because buffet breakfast is part of my room charge, I don't have to have three courses. I don't have to have the bacon and eggs option. I can think before I select and choose the healthier option.

Another example: It's lunchtime and lunch is served in a conga line and you have to take a plate and serve yourself. I don't need to put abit of everything on my plate. I can be selective, enjoy some things but not others.

It's afternoon tea, there are biscuits and cakes out. I don't have to take one just because a waiter is offering me one...I CAN SAY NO...for goodness sake...not brain surgery...but just soooooooo hard to implement!

Just because it's free, doesn't mean you have to eat it!

I went downstairs for my soy cappuccino and my salad sandwich this morning and the coffee guy said "$2 for any food item"...oh dear...so I added yoghurt to my purchase. I'm still feeling good because it has fresh fruit and raw nuts so I'm happy.

He then hands me an apple danish as I'm walking away. I mumble "thank you" as I carry the additional calories I know I don't need and I feel paralysed to hand it back.

It stares at me all day on my desk, until the minute that I'm having a stress moment and I rip open the wrapping and I eat it all in a few bites...

Why did I feel compelled to eat it? Well, it was free! Now don't tell me that you haven't used that rationalisation before!

It's like the lolly jar in the office...it's just there...and you are drawn to it...

Tomorrow is yet ANOTHER day, another chance to have more willpower to set my calories and stick to them!

P.S. I stuck to my exercise again this morning...WOOHOO! I'm fabulous!